So, consider this as a part two of my last post where I talked a lot about the letter from the 2014 Crystal to 2015 Crystal. It was a post in Bahasa Indonesia, but if you’d like to read it, you can access it through this link.
In the letter, the old Crystal gave wise words about relationship with fellow humans. Old Crystal said that I should not lower my standard on everything, including men. I was being so idealist by thinking that my ideal men would be the one who could talk, laugh, cry, and cringe together with me. Little did I know that relationships need shit ton of efforts, and to let people show their true colors to you is a hard thing to do. And people who laugh, cry, and cringe together with you sometimes are not the people with the same agenda in mind as yours.
I admit that by two years, I have changed, mostly in everything. My priorities, my preferences, my stances on several issues… they have changed. So does my views on relationships. I must say that I am not as idealistic as I was two years ago. Nowadays, I try to meet more people, the ones that don’t come from my social circle, through online dating. Bold move for me, since I have never done such thing.
One of my best friends in Indonesia showed her concern about me going out on online dates. She said that she felt like I was meeting up with people who did not deserve my time and that they had a huge effect on my self-esteem. I didn’t really want to argue with her because I’m not the kind of person who likes confrontation, but when she expressed her concerns to me, I kinda felt a bit… upset? I just felt upset because I felt like I was being judged for going to online dating and that I was just saying yes to every guy that wished to meet me for dates. After she voiced her concern, shit ton of “maybes” happening in my head, comparing the dating culture from where I was raised to where I am living right now. Including the thought that maybe she didn’t believe in my ability on staying true to myself in the world of online dating.
I think that’s normal for me, but apparently, some of my best friends don’t share the same page as I do. Maybe because in Indonesia, the culture of meeting with strangers through online dating app is considered dangerous, no matter how long you’ve talked with them online or no matter how many mutual interests you have with them. Maybe, in Indonesia, online dating is seen as a way for people to go to the easy way of dating, or people instantly think that when you’re on an online dating app, it means you’re in it for a boyfriend or a girlfriend.
Meanwhile, it’s a totally different thing here. Yes, the core value of online dating is to establish a relationship, but it is not THE direct way of a relationship. You can join online dating to seek for companionship or like-minded people, or the worst, one-night stands and friends with benefits (I don’t play this card, though). And there are a lot of good people in the online dating world as well as good people you see on the street. It’s not like all online dating users are people desperate for love or sex, there are also a group of people who likes to search for mutual interests before choosing to see more of each other or just leave it at that. That’s the reasons why I use online dating, apart from the reason that I feel the need to brush up my conversational skill on meeting with strangers because I am an introvert and I *do* need the challenge to put myself out there in the real world. I am already content by myself and I don’t need a man to tell me I’m beautiful, interesting, smart, or attractive because I already know I am comprised of those adjectives. Well, if they finally complimented me, let’s just consider it as a plus point.
Moral of the story: There are a lot of good people who decide to go to online dating apps, and it’s not a bad thing to have a profile in one or some of them. Don’t make us feel bad for signing up for a service, we do have a lot of reasons to make one.